


A Study In Rules

by wylansflutes



Category: Euphoria (TV 2019)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Mental Health Issues, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:20:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29535342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wylansflutes/pseuds/wylansflutes
Summary: euphoria from jules perspective. i don’t own the characters, as much as i wish i did.
Relationships: Rue Bennett/Jules Vaughn
Kudos: 10





	1. The beginning

When Jules was 11, she was depressed. She knew that, her parents knew that, and most of all, the people at the psychiatric hospital she went to knew that. And she got better after her stay there. At least, they all thought she got better. But slowly, her home life began to deteriorate, and with that, her place in the world. She began to seek out the approval of men, men that she believed could make her whole, and validate her as a woman. And for the most part, it worked. She started to feel better about herself, and started to realize that people could love her. She had made a lot of a name for herself, or at least, her online persona did, and it started to attract the attention of her peers. People would catcall her on the streets, target her online, and even make fun of her in the hallways of her school. She felt like the walls were caving in on her, and she felt like she was regressing back into her unhealthy coping mechanisms. She would scratch at her wrists when she got home, and start dreading going to school. When her dad noticed what was going on, he told her the gift news. They were moving to the suburbs.

The suburbs brought her distraction in the form of Rue. Rue was heaven and hell wrapped up in one. She was a wonderful friend when she tried, but when she didn't, Jules would often stay awake at night worrying about her. Rue saw Jules as the answer to her problems, whether it be her drug addiction or her attachment issues, and Jules didn't know if she could deal with that. She had seen drug addiction ruin people's lives, including her mother, and she knew she couldn't deal with it if Rue left her the way her mom did. She knew Rue had also OD'd, and even though she knew it wouldn't do much good, she kept a bottle of Narcan just in case.

Jules loved Rue, honestly, and with her whole self. Rue, however, always seemed turned off to the thought of love. She never showed any interest in anyone, that is, until that fateful night where Rue kissed her, before abruptly leaving. Jules has figured at that time that Rue was experimenting with her sexuality and regretted the kiss, but she found out soon after that Rue loved her. Jules reciprocated the feelings, but was incredibly hesitant about getting into a relationship. Rue didn't mention becoming girlfriends that night, which Jules was grateful for. She wasn't ready for a relationship yet, and was still trying to break contact from "Tyler". She knew that she was in a lot of trouble, but she was too stubborn to ask Rue for help. After all, Rue had her own issues that she was dealing with. 

When Jules left Rue at the train station, she instantly that it was a mistake. She loved Rue, but she couldn't breathe in the suburbs. The city, with all of it's bullies and villains, made her feel alive, made her feel whole. She stayed in an apartment for a few days, trying to convince herself that she was still alive, and that she was going to be fine. But through the haze and the weight of her decisions, she thought of two people. Her dad, who had always tried to provide for her, and to protect her from the monsters in the world. And Rue, who was like her North Star, always guiding her to where she needed to be. Rue brightened up her life, and made her feel almost whole again. Rue was her fatal flaw.


	2. Of the end

When Jules came back from the city, her dad made her see a therapist. He was "concerned" about her, he claimed. As much as Jules wanted to object to that, she couldn't really disagree. She rarely came out of her room, and the level of self care she was engaging in was steadily declining. She went from wearing makeup as often as everyday, to the only makeup she wore being the makeup that she didn't wash off from nights prior. She didn't have high hopes for the therapist. None of the others had ever truly listened to her. She would voice her concerns, and they would ignore her, pointing the blame at her gender dysphoria. Her dad had promised her that this time would be different, though.

"You're a teenager now," he said. "You'll be able to advocate for yourself. If you don't like her, you won't have to go. Just go once."

And so she did. She went, and she poured her guts out. She talked about being trans, about running away. She even talked about Rue, someone who had always been something just for Jules. Rue was church, a place for Jules to confess her love and to be herself without fear. But just like church, Rue could be cold and unforgiving, leaving Jules to beg on her for mercy, for forgiveness, for anything.

At the end of the session, she felt better, and yet, somehow, she felt worse. She felt like she had betrayed Rue, betrayed what their relationship stood for. Even though she hadn't lied once in that hour, she had talked about truths she hadn't with anyone before. She knew that when she went back, she would have to talk about her mom. Talk about how she was one of the many people in her life to just walk out and leave her. Talk about how sometimes, she hoped her mom was dead, so she didn't have to deal with the fact that she didn't want Jules. 

When Jules got out of the therapy session, she didn't bike home. Instead, she biked to a field, and just layer there, staring at the sky. She knew that she was screwed up, that there was a screw loose up in her head. She'd known it for a while. She just hated that the people she loved had to suffer so much because of that. Before she fell asleep there, she promised herself she would make it up to the ones that she loved.


	3. when in doubt...

By the time Jules woke up, it was already 7:00. She swore as she saw her dad's missed calls and concerned text messages.

not dead. just fell asleep.

After texting her dad, she got her bike, and started the ride back to her house. She was about halfway there when she noticed Nate's car. She wasn't necessarily scared of him, per se, but she knew that he was dangerous. He had the opportunity to fuck up her whole world, and he would do it if it would benefit him.

She decided to go the safe route, and she hid until she was sure that he was gone. When she picked her bike back up and wheeled it to the sidewalk, she walked into her dad.

"Dad? What are you doing here?"

Her dad looked worried, and he was scratching the back of his neck. "I was worried. That you- that you ran away again." His voice broke, and he looked like he was trying to not cry. 

Jules hugged her dad. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to leave you again."

"Your friend came over, by the way. She left you a gift. How about you open it when you get home?"

Jules biked home as quickly as she could. She wanted to know what Rue had gotten her, to see if it could give her some advice. The package was a box, wrapped in a light brown paper with flowers glued on at random. It was beautiful, and Jules felt bad when she used her scissors to rip it open. The box contained a variety of things, from candies to flowers, but the most notable thing was a pair of earrings. They were a pair of heart earrings with a teardrop attachment. She had mentioned that she wanted those earring a while ago, and had assumed that Rue had forgotten about them.

She put them on and went to her mirror. The earrings were beautiful, and made her feel like a princess when she wore them. The guilt of accepting a gift from Rue also left a bitter taste in her mouth. She knew that she would have to work hard to win her back, and that would require a lot of planning. 

She wasn't even sure what she wanted the gift to be, but she knew it had to be spectacular. With that in mind, she called the one person who would know the most about Rue: Lexi.


	4. the date

"You want my help?" Lexi asked. "Why?"

"Because I love Rue, and I can't lose her. She means too much to me."

Lexi rolled her eyes. "Why are you talking to me? I love Rue with all my heart and soul, but we don't talk often."

"Yeah, but you're her best friend, and I need to know what I can do to win her back. Any advice you have, I'd love it."

Lexi pulled out a journal, and opened it to a new page. She titled it "Plan To Win Back Rue".

They brainstormed for about 2 hours, going over everything from how much money she wanted to spend, to when they could do this. The plan was detailed, but it still left room for errors. The plan was in three parts:

Step one involved Lexi driving Rue to Lexi's house, where the first clue would be. The clue would lead her to the IHOP, where Rue poured whipped cream into Jules's mouth. From there, she would talk to the lady at the front desk of the IHOP, where she would go to the drive through movie theater, where Jules would be waiting. There was a two movie special of Romeo & Juliet and the Titanic, the costumes that they were in for Halloween, where they kissed in the pool.

Step two was a lot less complex, but it relied on step one going well. They were going to go home to Jules's house, where there would be an elaborate meal set up. Jules was alright at cooking, but Lexi and Maddy were brilliant. Together, they would make salad, lasagna, and a dessert that consisted of caramel ice cream from the store and homemade brownies. She knew that Rue liked all the food, as she asked Rue's mom what food she liked, but she was still worried. Step one and two, after all, we're only build up to step three.

Step three was directly after the dinner. It was estimated to be around 10:00, which was too late to walk home. Rue should have already packed a sleep away bag, so this wouldn't be a problem. At this point, Jules was going to give her a ring. The ring was silver, with pink flowers on the outside. It was a promise ring, a promise that Jules wouldn't break Rue's heart, a promise that Jules was there for her. Most importantly, it was a promise that Jules wouldn't leave like she did on that fateful night at the train station. There wasn't much of a plan after that, other than sleeping and making sure Rue knew that Jules loved her.

The day that that plan was set to happen, Jules was nervous. She could hardly sleep, and only managed to eat a few bites of her bagel before losing interest in it. She wasn't going to be involved in the first part of the plan, which meant that all that she had to do was to get snacks and park at the gas station across from the drive in. She got to the gas station 15 minutes before Rue did, and spent that time buying snacks for them. She had just gotten comfortable in the car when she saw Lexi’s text: she’s here

Jules got out of her car, flowers in hand, and looked nervously at Rue. All her planning had led up to this moment, and she wasn’t sure what to say. Rue had dressed up for the occasion, and looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Hi,” Jules said awkwardly.

“Hi.”

Jules opened the door for Rue, and then drove to the movie theater. She bought two tickets, and a radio for them to listen to the films. Throughout the movie, Rue rested her head on Jules’s shoulder, whispering snarky comments the whole time. Comments about love, about life, about Jules. Jules had never felt more free, more alive, than in that moment


	5. ...buy her a ring

The dinner went well, and they laughed throughout each course, talking about everything, from embarrassing failures to first crushes. Jules felt freed when in Rue’s presence, especially since Rue was trying to stay sober. She was a joy to be around, a light in Jules’s life. Once all the ice cream had been eaten, Jules starting talking in a more serious voice.

“I know you might not ever truly forgive me, but I got you a gift, to show that I truly care.”

Rue opened the gift and gasped. “I love it so much! Not that you needed to get me a gift, but oh my god!”

She put the ring on her finger, and it fit perfectly.

“It’s a promise ring. To show that I’ll never leave you again.”

Later that night, with Rue laying on her chest, Jules wondered how she had ever loved without Rue.


End file.
